Where did the time go?

Nineteen months ago my husband and I began trying to have a baby. It all began so well. I met with my OB prior and all seemed okay to begin. Within two months we were happily pregnant. But, unfortunately, we had a miscarriage by six weeks. The pregnancy was over before it could even began.  One moment I was spotting and the next I had no pregnancy symptoms and negative pregnancy tests. The biggest memory from that night is sitting in the bathroom crying. But after I pulled myself off the floor, I said, "No big deal; this happens to so many people." Twenty-five percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

After that first miscarriage, it took a few months for my body to level out. By Easter, though, we were pregnant again. All was well until week eight: I began spotting again. For a whole month the doctors could not tell me if we were going to have the baby or not. I was put on Progesterone, which stopped the bleeding, and I was closely monitored. The baby was growing but not fast enough...and there was no heartbeat. Finally, after hopeful conversations with optomistic doctors at the OB and ER, we were told the bad news. The baby had not grown for a week, and they were positive it had died.

We had two options: wait for a painful natural miscarriage or a D&E. I decided on the D&E; I could not possibly sit around waiting and wondering when the miscarriage would occur, especially since the miscarriage could have taken up to a month to occur. The night before the D&E was a strange one  with knowing that our baby was dead and inside me. It's like the night before a loved one's funeral. You sit about mourning the lost and waiting for closure of the following day.

The morning of my D&E did come, and it was as easy and painless as the doctor had described. The hardest part of it all was having to discuss it with EVERY person in my life. It is having this terrible conversation over and over again with the same response from each listener. You know haw the conversation will end before it even begins.

The doctors at my OB felt that two miscarriages was still not a totally abnormal occurrence, but if I wanted some testing they would do some. Otherwise, we could TTC again. My husband and I decided to wait a couple of months and then try again. But, then I heard about Dr. Nichols...

One of my most favorite quotes....

"The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places"

- Dr. Seuss

Today, as I think about the past as we have TTC, I think of Dr. Seuss and the Waiting Place. I am reminded that we are not stuck here forever...even if we feel as though we have already been here for eternity.